A Year's Reflection

My Dearest Sister

These last couple of months have been a whirlwind for me. I want to apologize first and foremost for neglecting to write to you, failing to encourage you and falling short of inspiring you. One of my priorities for 2019 is to be consistent with my posting. I say "priority" because I feel it holds more accountability than "resolution". I am writing to you this last day of 2018 to share a reflection of MY year.

God's silence is not equivalent to God's permission

I asked a lot of God this year. "Show me" this. "Grant me" that. "Reveal to me" whatsoever. I spent a lot of time praying and asking, but not as much time listening and waiting. Eventually, out of impatience I took the lack of evidence from God as evidence of God's permission. Since I didn't hear NO, I perceived YES. I was wrong, but it wasn't until I was so indulged in my self-righteousness that He later revealed himself to me. Hurt, wounded and broken I struggled to understand WHY? I found my answer in Isaiah 60, verse 22 "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen". There it was in plain English. Here in this very scripture God asserted himself to me, letting me know 3 major things:

1. What to expect

2. When to expect it

3. Who to expect it from

See He heard me all along. He wasn't deaf to my concerns, my desires, my pleadings. God knew my "IT". The word "will", future tense precedes the word "happen". To happen, means to take place or occur. The four words at the end of that verse told me what to expect- it will take place. I was so busy in MY time that it never occurred to me if my time was in fact the right time. I can tell you now it wasn't. If it was I wouldn't have ended up in so much heartache and left disappointed. God uses the beginning of Isaiah 60:22 to answer the question my heart yearned to know the most- WHEN? When will it happen? When will you address my prayers? When can I stop praying about this one thing and move on? He says, "when the time is RIGHT". This soothed my worrying spirit and calmed my anxious heart because I know for it to be the right time is for Him to strategically calculate the moment I would receive all that I ask for. This means that my life has aligned with His will and there's no greater harmony than the two. Lastly, God told me the WHO. He says, "I, the Lord". I'd like to think He didn't place Himself in the middle of the sentence without reason. A sentence in standard English has three parts: subject, verb, predicate. The verb has the vital role linking the subject to the predicate. It is the position of the verb to provide action; without the verb the sentence is incomplete. God places Himself in the position of the sentence to let me know HE provides the action and without Him my requests are unable to be fulfilled.

I am so thankful to know what I know now. Walking into 2019 I have less confidence in my capabilities and more trust in God. I am not upset by my experiences neither am I angry at the people involved. More so, I am filled with gratitude towards my Father in Heaven. For His grace, giving me what it is I don't deserve. For His mercy, failing to give me what I do deserve.

See you in 2019!

With Love,

Ms. Kie